Mommy + Me: Choni, Arya, & James IV
When you are a passionate person by nature, it stands to reason that passion will pass to your children when you become a mom. Choni is indeed that type of mother raising children with the same quality. A mom of two, Arya, 17, and James, 14, Choni‘s family loves being active and spending time outdoors. They have various interests, including hiking, walking trails, playing volleyball and softball, and going to the beach. They also enjoy creative pursuits such as singing, dancing, crafting, and researching healthy ways to live a balanced emotional, mental, and spiritual life. Most importantly, as a Virgin Islander, Choni finds it crucial to share her love and enthusiasm for environmentalism and the VI culture.
Motherhood is rewarding and challenging, and raising teenagers comes with its fair share. As a mother, the biggest hurdle she’s faced is feeling comfortable and confident raising her kids as she sees fit. While tradition has a part in the process, she realized that she has to parent her children in a way that works best for them.
“I’ve realized that my daughter and son require different approaches. It’s essential to recognize that they are unique individuals with their own paths to follow. As their mother, I am here to guide them, but ultimately, their journey is their own.”
Seeing her children as individuals and actively instilling that in her children is just one fantastic quality Choni has. According to Arya and James, her “mom superpower” is her strength and confidence. When they ask her how she manages, she’s often at a loss for words. As a divorced mother, she’s learned not to overcompensate in every aspect of her life, which helped shape and mold her confidence. She credits her children for being a large part of why she is strong and confident and thanks them every chance. They respect her ability to overcome obstacles, her unwavering devotion to her personal goal, and her role as a dedicated mother. While balancing motherhood and personal aspirations is no easy feat, Choni has learned to redefine herself and remove any guilt associated with pursuing her dreams. A lesson that has not been without suffering.
There were moments when she pushed herself to the brink of exhaustion to ensure everything was completed, losing sight of her needs while trying to fulfill the role of mother and wife. Choni credits self-reflection, self-actualization, and therapy to redefine who she is and has found a way to balance being a mother and pursuing her dreams without feeling guilty. Her children know she is a fighter and will do whatever it takes to support them, and she is immensely proud of them for having that same drive.
When you’re children are so much like you, it takes work to maintain a healthy relationship. Choni practices and engages in vulnerability and transparency in parenting. Her children are aware of the good, bad, and ugly of her mistakes (though not in vivid technicolor), including the challenges that come with them. They know she has made past mistakes but has worked hard to overcome them. She respects and values her children’s feelings and often has honest conversations about their thoughts and emotions. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to discipline –she has found what works for hers and shows them that taking ownership of their actions and apologizing when necessary is crucial.
As she continues to grow as a woman and a mother, the most critical lesson Choni teaches her children is to be authentic and humble and not to diminish who they are and what they bring to the table. It’s easy to check the boxes and focus on someone else’s plans, but you lose yourself that way. She encourages them to always be authentic; it’s not the easiest but vital in building respect and love. As outgoing and adventurous as her family is, she loves the low-key moments. She cherishes moments when she can lay in bed with her children, watch television, and have long discussions.
“I love when they just want to lay around with me, and I cherish those moments as I know they will soon leave the nest and make their own way.”
And preparing children to leave the nest does not come with a manual. But one piece of advice Choni can give to other mothers doing this is to allow their children to be themselves. Be confident that you have the knowledge you need to guide them along their path. Enjoy being a mom, and don’t lose sight of who you are on the inside.
Choosing Passion and Confidence to Lead the Way