Beginning a new chapter and starting a new adventure can be an exciting endeavor, a nerve-racking step, and often a little bit of both. Some new chapters we enter into willingly. It’s something we chose to do, like starting a family or going to school to earn a degree. Other times, we find ourselves going through things that weren’t expected, such as loss and grief, or financial hardship. How do we navigate the unknown or uncertain ahead of us and still have the mindspace to take in the experience?
When my sister and I were little girls, car rides brought on all the usual young kid questions; Where are we going? What are we doing? When will we get there? Our father’s answer was always the same, “Go with the flow.” It’s a phrase he spoke time and time again and it stuck. Eventually, I got to the point where I never bothered to ask the questions, I just went along for the ride.
What I thought as a kid was just something to get us to stop asking so many questions, (let’s be honest, it likely was) turned out to be a fantastic motto for life. One that, in many ways, has allowed me to have peace and let go as I entered into new adventures. One of those new adventures was that of parenthood.
In 2017, my husband and I learned that we would be parents. Parenthood was something we both dreamt of and was a journey for which we knew we were intended. Going in, we knew very little about child rearing. For my husband, he hadn’t even changed a diaper! What I knew only came from being an older sister and a few stints of baby sitting as a teenager. So I dove into reading. I’m one that wants to know as much as possible going into a new situation. I read the books, I joined several online groups, read through forums, watched countless videos, and, of course, consulted with experienced moms. I wanted to know the do’s and don’ts. I wanted to know what ups and downs to anticipate. By the time our baby boy arrived, I had so intensely studied car seat safety and breastfeeding that I actually considered becoming a certified consultant in both areas. I even gave a crash course to every single person who might drive with my son in their car about how to properly strap in the seat into the car and him into the seat. Yep. I’m that mom.
Just about any parent will tell you that no matter how well prepared you are, there will be many, many times where you just don’t feel like it’s enough. When the baby has been fed, changed, bathed, swaddled, sang to, read to, and they just won’t. Stop. Crying. Then there is the challenge of getting them into a routine. Bath time at 7pm, bed time by 8:30pm, and all the prayers to the good Lord above that they sleep through the night.
That’s when I heard my father’s voice in the back of my head.
Go with the flow.
And so that’s just what we decided to do. We strayed from comparing his progress to other children. We stopped looking to follow the routine of every single got-it-all-together parent we came across. The reality was that our boy was, and is, uniquely his own individual, with his own behaviors. Our boy was a happy baby, relatively easy to please, the picture of “bouncy baby boy.” We found that he stayed this way if we just went with his flow, but careful not to sacrifice our own flow. I allowed him to nurse when he was hungry, rather than on a schedule. We let him nap when he wanted to nap. We let him makes the messes and all the loud noises.
We wanted to be sure not to lose ourselves in this chapter. Sure, our titles changed when we assumed the roles of parents, but our names stayed the same. We had to keep swimming to stay afloat. Work still had to be done, bills had to be paid, socialization with adults was a must, and even more importantly, keeping our marriage a priority. As we learned and grew as parents, the three of us began to flow as one unit. Every new developmental stage of our little boy was a new and exciting adventure; getting to learn his personality, his likes and dislikes, learning how he tries to get out of doing what he doesn’t want to do and how to coerce him into obedience, and every single step in between.
Times have come when we found ourselves in situations where we wished we could have just jumped out of the waters. The year 2021 was one that was particularly difficult. We were ready to expand our family, but found ourselves grieving instead. Two little ones that we had to say goodbye to before we ever got to say hello. A wave I never thought I’d have to brace for once, much less twice. I found myself undertow, choking for air. It was the hands that reached down to me that helped pull me back up above the waters. They reminded me that I had to keep swimming and keep pressing forward. Over time, I’ve slowly begun to heal, my strength returning.
This year is bringing my family another new adventure. By the end of this year, we will have relocated to a new city, leaving behind the one I’ve lived in since birth. It will be a different rhythm than I’ve known, but one that excites me. I know there will be challenges along the way, but there will be beauty there too. The best I know to do is to go with the flow and take it all in.
If you have found yourself in new waters, go with the flow and let it take you along for the ride. Enjoy the dips and waves as they come and learn from them too. And as you do, never stop swimming.
My name is Joy Robertson. I’m the wife of a loving husband and mom to a very handsome young boy. My drive in life is to show every person I interact with the love of Christ. You never know how a simple gesture of grace can effect a person’s day.
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